Short and sweet update!

We've now been here SEVEN weeks today!! We had our weekly sonogram today. Cooper is still head down, good news!! Conley is still transverse. Both girls lookin' good and active! We'll get their weights next Wednesday. My cervix measured 1.2 cm today, good news!! I will still get my test next Friday, September 4th, and possibly go home!! We are almost to 31 weeks, great news!!! Thank you God for these 7 weeks for Cooper and Conley to grow bigger and stronger!

Loving Two ... or Three!

OK, first I'll start with an update from our sono on Wed...I can't believe I haven't posted this yet! We are carrying over 6 lbs of baby now, woo hoo! Cooper was head down this week, very low again right on my cervix. She measured 3 lbs 1 oz as of Wed. Conley was still very high up in my ribs laying across me still (more feet down than head down though), measuring 3 lbs 4 oz! We were very pleased with their growth!! My cervix measured 1 cm, which was about a mm less than before, but pretty much the same. All good news! We also reached 30 weeks on Friday!! Praise God!!!

More good news. My VERY sweet friend Kara did the sweetest thing for us on Friday. She came to my hospital room to do a photo shoot with my belly. Campbell and Matt were in them as well. She had VERY cool ideas, and I'm so excited to have these pictures. Kara, you are so thoughtful and generous. We can't thank you enough for doing that for us! I know Friday evening was not an ideal time for you to drive out here, but thank you SO much for taking that time! God has truly blessed us with such amazing friends!! Also, Matt was so sweet to surprise me with an overnight stay on Saturday!! I haven't had anyone stay up here with me, so that was a real treat! Matt and Campbell came to "Mommy's house", as Campbell calls it, for a slumber party!! I loved being able to be with them that night and wake up with them the next morning. I think that was just the surprise that I needed right now! Thanks honey!! Sorry you didn't sleep that well on the hospital sofa bed! ;-)

OK, now on to the tougher part of my update. I've struggled more and more this past week (mainly weekend) with the guilt that I have being away from Campbell. I just feel like it is going to be a huge adjustment for her when Cooper and Conley come into her life. She will never be the "one and only" again. I know this is probably a natural and common feeling for lots of moms when they are expecting their second child (or second AND third...ha ha!), but what's made my guilt even worse is that my time leading up to this major change was cut short and I wasn't prepared for it. Sometimes, I have a pity party for myself and feel like I've been cheated out of my last months with Campbell as her mom before my attention will be shared between three....OK, I know I'm still her mom and she still knows that, but I feel cheated out of being a "normal" mom. I don't get to participate in her life the way I want to and need to, for her sake and mine. She is just so young, and it's so sad to me to wonder what she thinks of all this. Sure she is her happy self on the outside, because her Daddy is still with her and taking good care of her and she is still surrounded by so many familiar faces that love her...but I still have to wonder in her mind what she must think of this.

I have learned to let a lot of things go while being her in the hospital unable to "control" much, but not being a primary participant in caring for her and nurturing her just breaks my heart. I hate it, to be honest. When I let my mind think about it too much, I can't stop the tears. Thank God that they offer you Ambien when here on long-term bed rest and that it is safe during pregnancy ... ha ha! I would have many many hard nights otherwise. There's nothing that anyone can say to me that really comforts me or takes this guilt away. It just is what it is. I do thank God everyday for the family that we have that surround her with love and care that is still consistent with what she has known even before I was admitted. I also thank God for the protection that He has given to Conley and Cooper. The guilt is double-sided, because when I have guilt for being away from Campbell, I then have guilt for our unborn daughters. I know that this is where I need to be for their sake, so I feel bad for them when I wish I could be home with Campbell. I, of course, understand that their well-being is just as important to us, and right now, I'm the only one that can do that for them. Right now, Matt has to take care of Campbell, and I have to take care of Conley and Cooper. We can each pray for all of our children and be supportive to each other, but we can't both offer each child exactly what they need physically and emotionally. We have two very different responsibilities right now. Selfishly, I want to take part in all of it. I just can't do that right now though. I want to hold Campbell when she gets a boo boo and cries. I want to see her swimming so well. I want to be able to pick her up again. I want to give her a bath. I want to take her to birthday parties and play dates. I want to lay down with her at night when it's time for her to go to bed. I want to play with her outside. I hope that I never take these things for granted ever again. I will cherish all of these moments once I get to have them again. At the same time, when I think those things, I feel like I'm letting down our sweet miracles that are depending on me right now to do what is best for them. I want to be here laying down all day feeling their every kick and movement, knowing that they will be OK. I want to do everything in my power to get them as far along as possible before exposing them to this world. I want to bond with them and love them just as I love Campbell. I want to teach Campbell to love them as her sisters while sill letting her know that we don't love her any less. How do I do all that right now? I just can't. Right now, I pray that God get us to 36 weeks. One, so that Conley and Cooper will have fully developed lungs and hopefully be able to eat on their own right away. Two, so that I can finally be home to reconnect with Campbell and give her some reassurance of my love for her before she has to learn to share the attention. Also, so that I can have that last time with her as my "one and only" since we will never have that again.

I found this very sweet letter by an Unknown Author that a friend on Facebook had posted about a month ago. It's a very honest and sweet letter that is written from a mother to her "one and only" that is becoming an older sibling for the first time. I didn't change any of the author's words, but of course when coming from me, it would be called Loving Three :-)

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. Author Unknown

I love you Campbell. I love you Cooper. I love you Conley. I thank God for all three of you and the blessings that you are to your Daddy and me, and I can't wait to be home to spend time with all of you!

Here is a picture of Campbell and Mommy's first moments together. I'll never forget it! I look forward to my first moments with Conley and Cooper too!!

I love you sweet Campbell, and I hope to be home with you soon!!

Almost to our 6 week anniversary!

Tomorrow I have been here 6 weeks! There's really nothing new to report this past week. I have a sonogram tomorrow. This is one where we will find out the sizes of our girls, we really look forward to these! We are hopefully that they have both reached 3 lbs!! We're pretty confident that Miss Conley has passed up that milestone, and hopefully Cooper is still not far behind her. Of course we're also hoping that there is no change with my cervix, which has been true so far with bed rest. Since I've been here, I've had trouble gaining weight. It's been frustrating, because I eat as much as I can each day, but I still don't gain weight. This week was finally a week of weight gain! I've now gained 31 pounds for this pregnancy just short of 30 weeks, and no matter what the scale says, my tummy is growing everyday!!! Trust me, I can tell when I have to raise my bed table up higher :-) ! Along with our growing girls, I've started to have bad heartburn and even reflux at night when I sleep. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced. I have been startled awake to think I'm about to throw up or that I'm choking a few nights this past week, and just last night I actually got up to throw up a lot. It was awful!! My nurse brought me Mylanta which she had me sip slowly with a straw......YUCK! It's basically a minty, chalky milk ... and those of you that know me well, I hate milk! I can't even look at it before drinking it, because I think of milk. I talked to my doctor about what I had eaten for dinner, but she didn't think any of what I ate would cause reflux like this. I'm taking medicine for it every morning, so hopefully I get this under control. Conley is positioned really high and sometimes her entire body is laying across me just under my ribs, which I'm sure doesn't help with heartburn. Anyways, right now that is my biggest complaint. Otherwise, things seem to be going well. We'll post an update tomorrow after our sonogram!!

Campbell is still doing so well with this adjustment. She now says she's at Mommy's house when she is here to visit me, and when she refers to being home she'll say "at my house", meaning her house. I asked her if I could come live at her house soon, and she said "sure Mommy!" She also has learned her way around the Women's Center. Whenever they have come to get me for my baby shower or craft time and she's here, she likes to sit in my lap for the wheelchair ride. The room is just one room to the right of where I'm at, so she's familiar with where we are going anytime we get to go for a "ride". Well, last night I went for my NST around 8:30. Matt and my parents were both here with Campbell. She of course assumed she would get to ride with me, so we let her ride but then they would just bring her back to my room while I stayed for my test in Labor and Delivery. So, they put her in my lap for the ride, but we go the other direction down the hall than she is familiar with. She immediately asks, "are going dis way Mommy?" I said yes that we were going to a different room this time. Then, when we got to the room and I stood up to get in the bed, she said, "Mommy, this is not your bed!" I had to tell her I would go back to my bed shortly. It's so funny that she insists that I stay in MY room and MY bed where she has learned over the last 6 weeks that is where I have to stay. I look forward to being home with her soon, and I really do hope to be home for at least some period of time before the girls are born so I can reconnect with Campbell and participate with her at home before yet another major adjustment in her life.

Here are a couple sweet pictures of her yesterday. We painted her toenails blue with sparkles AND stickers!

A little bit of comic relief

My dear friend Kara has been sweet to provide me with some very entertaining emails while I've been here in the hospital to keep me laughing. I thought I would share one. Hilarious!! Of course, it so appropriately has to do with pregnancy :-)

PREGNANCY QUICKIES

What is the most common pregnancy craving?

For men to be the ones who get pregnant

When is the best time to get an epidural?

Right after you find out you're pregnant

Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

Labor cause anything you want to blame it for.

When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

When the kids are in college.

How long is the average woman in labor?

Whatever she says, divided by two.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?

Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?

Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.

What do you call a pregnancy that begins while using birth control?

A misconception.

The light at end of the tunnel!

I learned today that I will take an fFN (Fetal Fibronectin) test at 32 weeks. If it is positive, I'll be here until 34 weeks and then do my last 2 weeks at home. If it is negative, I can go home and do my last 4 weeks of bed rest at home. Our ultimate goal is still 36 weeks!!! I'm feeling better and better about getting to 36 weeks, but at the same time I know that things could take a different turn in the next 7 weeks. I have a sonogram tomorrow, so I should have another weekly update tomorrow. We are almost to 29 weeks!!! Praise God!

Our sweet Campbell rode in on her new scooter yesterday when she came up to visit with Matt. Literally, she RODE into the hospital and down the hall to my room on her scooter and her helmet....hilarious!! The nurses really got a kick out of it!! Here are some pictures. She keeps us smiling always!!!

Update at almost 28 weeks!!!

We are so close to our first goal of 28 weeks!!! I can't believe it's been over 4 weeks since I was admitted, wow! I can thankfully say that looking back it has not felt like 4 weeks, so hopefully the next 4-8 weeks will fly by just as fast!! We had our sonogram yesterday first thing in the morning. Matt was able to be here to go with me before going to work, which was great!! It was a really fun sonogram to see how much the girls have changed. Miss Cooper has flipped back head-down again. She is definitely content and confident to have secured her position to be the first one out! I just need her to keep her head-down when it's time to deliver!! We were still able to see her and get a sweet profile shot (just barely), but the way she is turned we couldn't see her face too much. She is measuring at approximately 2 lbs 5 oz as of yesterday! Conley has her head up high in between my ribs, so she is still breach for now. We even got to see her open her mouth wide as if she yawned....so cool!! Her feet are way over on my right side, so that is a lot of fun when she gets to moving. I call her the cheerleader since I constantly feel her kicking. Matt said, "that's not fair to play favorites already and call Conley the cheerleader and Cooper the band nerd!" OK, first of all, I never called Cooper a band nerd, and second, there is nothing wrong with EITHER of them wanting to be in band someday....he still likes to give me a hard time! No matter what he says, I think he loved the way that I looked in my concert suit and bow tie :-) ... and probably even my hat and feather when marching ... I think that's how I won him over ;-)! Anyways, Miss Conley is measuring at approximately 2 lbs 12 oz! I asked him if their sizes were good, and he called them Big and Bigger, we are happy with that! Hopefully at our next appointment (on Wed in two more weeks) they will be close to, or over, 3 lbs!!!

Thank you God for this time for Cooper and Conley to grow bigger and stronger!! We are so thankful that you have given them the last 4 weeks to grow so much and make it safely to 28 weeks! We know that your protective hand is over them always.

Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything. Ephesians 5:19-20

My GREAT buy!!!

So, my sister, mom and grandparents have been decorating and organizing the nursery for me this weekend. I had a shower at the hospital (which, by the way, was SO cute and sweet!! I'll post pictures later), and so they all took the goodies back to our house to put things away and do some finishing touches to the nursery. I hope to send my camera home for someone to take pictures for me to post. It was actually pretty cool, because we learned to iChat on our Mac laptops, so I was able to see some of the things they were doing on the video chat! We ended up deciding on some different placements on the wall for some things than we originally had thought, so we now need something else to hang above the changing table/dresser. My sister had suggested a mirror. I remembered this cool mirror that my roommates and I had in our town home that we rented my senior year. The mirror was from Ikea. Well, I checked it out, and Ikea still carries the same mirror but not in the pink and orange color that I want for the nursery. So, I started searching online. I only found ONE posting on EBay for this mirror in the color that I wanted. The bid was at $0.99. I didn't want to get into a bidding war, so I emailed the seller to see if she would do a "Buy It Now" for me and I'd buy it for $20. She emailed me back that she can't change it once another person has bid on it, which meant I would just have to bid on it myself. I waited until less than two minutes to place my maximum bid. Of course I put a bid as high as I was willing to pay, but hoped to get it for less. Well....I won the bid for a whopping $1.04!!! I can't believe it! I was so excited to get such a good deal! Here is the picture:

27 Weeks!!!

We are so excited to be 27 weeks! One more week until our first goal is reached - can't wait!!! Thank you God for these three weeks for Conley and Cooper to grow big and strong!!! Let's see, what is new this week? Well, on Tuesday we (myself, Campbell, my mom and dad) went to "craft time" and made no-sew blankets. It was a great idea that the hospital has come up with for the antepartem moms that are here on bed rest to do, and they provided the supplies! I wanted Campbell to "help". It worked out great, because she was super entertained just playing with the scrap pieces of fleece. I put my dad to work since I had two blankets to make in the hour that we were there, and then when my mom arrived, I took advantage of her helping hands as well. I let Campbell pick out the fabric choices. Notice she didn't pick out anything pink! One blanket is yellow with brown and blue animals and words and a blue-colored solid back to it. Can you tell that I've learned to let a lot of things go??? :-) Here we are making blankets for Cooper and Conley!

On Wednesday, Matt took the day off so that he could go to two appointments with me. First, we went to my weekly sonogram. We got to see both of our precious girls. The little stinkers are both feet-down now. I know everyone keeps telling me there is time for them to flip still, but I can already tell that they are running out of room. I'm not sure the likelihood of them BOTH flipping head-down at this point, but either way it will be just fine. I had hoped to avoid a c-section just because of the recovery after being on bed rest for so long....I'd like to be back on my feet and feeling good ASAP!!! I also really enjoyed our delivery with Campbell and was hopeful to have the same with the girls. I am, of course, most thankful that they are doing well and growing and for them to just stay where they are as long as possible. If that means that they stay feet down, so be it. Although, I don't know what's worse....them kicking you in the ribs if they were actually head down, or them kicking me elsewhere so much so that I'm afraid they are about to karate-chop their way out!! My goodness! I've always said that it doesn't feel much different than carrying one baby, but as they are bigger there really are feet and hands going EVERYWHERE!!! Anyways, the babies looked good and my cervix is still the same. Bed rest is working for me, because Dr. Graham said I would have delivered already if I had still been on my feet for sure. We will find out this next Wednesday how much they have grown over the last two weeks. Here is a shot of both of their heads right next to each other. We have not gotten a picture with both of them in it since our first trimester, so I was excited that he printed this one for us. You can't see their faces, but it's still sweet to see how close they are! Although, it doesn't look like it in this picture, they are actually in two separate sacs with a dividing membrane between them.

Our second appointment was a tour of the NICU. When we were first admitted, I wasn't interested right away to go tour it. I think it was just a little too much for me, and I was still adjusting the realization that our girls might be preemies, or even micro-preemies. We did decide this past week that it was a good idea for us to visit the NICU to learn more about it, see where it was, what it looks like, what it would be like to visit our babies there, how it is setup, what visitation rules there are for us as well as our family....things like that. I'm so glad that we went! It's still a place that I hope Cooper and Conley won't have to be in, but I'm certain that they will be well taken care of there. I think it helped prepare both of us in case the NICU is necessary.

We trust in God's plan for us and our girls, and there is so much comfort in that. Although, our personal hope is that Cooper and Conley can go to term and be of healthy birth weight with strong lungs and eating on their own, we know that whatever God's will is for them we will continue to have faith and trust in His plan. Thank you God again for these past three weeks for our girls to grow bigger and stronger!!

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

2 Corinthians 4:17